You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.
If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.
The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.
There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.
This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.
For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.
an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)
HOLY FUCK THE TRUTH.
Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.
And if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourselfShane Koyczan (via rauchwolken)
get a better mirror
look a little closer
stare a little longer
because there’s something inside you
that made you keep trying
despite everyone who told you to quit
you built a cast around your broken heart
and signed it yourself
you signed it
‘they were wrong’.
how do boys look good without makeup
Because society hasn’t told boys they look bad without it
Scrape out the bottom of your soul and love for all you’re worth. And when you find her, risk everything. Die a thousand deaths to get her. Don’t look back. When you grow older, older than I’ll ever be, blow on the embers of that first heroic choice. And you’ll be warmed, sustained.Stephen Kenn // Process Creative // The Encounter Collection (via rainydaysandblankets)
The “why are you following me” responses made my day. Thank you so much everyone. Despite the fact that I am utterly at a loss in writing right now and that I gave up on myself, you give me hope. Thank you. <3
You told me you were done with feeling.
You’re done feeling dejected, frustrated and distraught. You’re done feeling the warmth of his lips on your cold cheeks, and the scrawled post it notes on your fingertips, whispering for the letters of his name. You’re done feeling the outline of his body next to yours, and the almost physical presence of emptiness that accompanies his scent on your pillows.
You told me you were done with listening.
You’re done listening to the radio station that played loudly that night. You’re done listening to the silence between the seconds of every day, when you would rather be anything else than broken. You’re done listening to his voice in your head, telling you that life is what you make out of it and that you’re no longer part of his.
You told me you were done seeing.
You’re done seeing his face in every person you come across, waiting for infinite apologies. You’re done seeing his name written on the sky, like a gruesome reminder of what once was and what could never be again. You’re done seeing his shadows in the nooks and crannies of your apartment, clothing the pain of his deceit with the smiles of his memories.
You told me you were done lying, but the truth couldn’t set you free.
favorite books :the fault in our stars
“I’m in love with you,” he said quietly. “Augustus,” I said. “I am,” he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
Your sadness is not beautiful. It’s not keeping you warm. It’s not keeping you company. You don’t feel it right now but your sadness is sinking you. It’s slowly taking over your body, biting your soul and splitting your heart. Don’t let it crack you open. Fight it.(via fawun)
What I really mean to say is that I hope you aren’t held back because of a number. And that you don’t rush into things because it feels like time is slipping by. I hope you do what’s right for you. Hold on. Slow down. And breathe in. Your age is your age. But more importantly, your life is your life. Don’t change your journey so that it matches someone else’s. We need to walk different paths so the whole world can be explored. Revel in the differences. And enjoy where you are.…because I’m a twenty-something, todaywasmeaningful.wordpress.com (via reenamia)
still, its horrible that movies and media in general gives you this idea that if you’re a male and you’re not attractive you can still score incredibly hot girls by being funny and “yourself” but if you’re a girl and you’re not attractive nobody’s gonna touch you forever
SOMEBODY FINALLY SAID IT
i.e. any michael cera movie ever vs. grease
I still can’t believe I passed the exam despite my utterly half-assed efforts (like quitting my review classes and studying altogether a couple of months prior) to pass it. I do regret not doing my best though.
“It’s exciting when you find parts of yourself in someone else.”
I demand unconditional love and complete freedom. That is why I am terrible.Tomaž Šalamun (via reenamia)
Put one reason in my ask.