"You smell like sorrow", he teased. I flinched and forced a smile, like I always do. There are grains of truth in jokes, no matter how incredulous it may seem. I have attuned myself to dissecting those edges, where the entertainment stops and the smarting bite of reality leaves a gash. He must have seen through me, like he always does.
"Tell me, wise guy, what does sorrow smell like?", I teased back, falling into routine yet again. I expected an attempt at hilarity, probably a pun with the intermingling of perfume, scrambled eggs and sweat on my hair.
"It depends entirely on the person. It’s like with Mom, I can smell the faded photographs, dark coffee and pancakes."
"Pancakes? Who associates sorrow with pancakes?"
One second. Two seconds. Five seconds. Eight seconds. The pause was entirely too long that I knew I pressed the wrong button.
"My dad, he loves..loved pancakes. He would wake me up every Saturday morning and tell me it’s pancake day. Sometimes, when I’m in the mood and I could smell the maple syrup from the kitchen, I’d laugh. More often than not, I would lash out for being woken up".
"That doesn’t make you a bad son."
"It doesn’t make me a good one either."
Silence. I wondered if this was the reason why we started spending more and more time with each other, why we fell into the patterns of a relationship. They said misery loves company. Grief does that too. It brings people—two, lonely people—together. When my grandmother died, no one understood the ache, the cliff, the inebriating sense of loss that clobbers you like waves. Until him. I lace my fingers around his own, and squeezed. You’re not alone, I remind him. I’m here.
I knew what he meant now. I smell it too, on him. His sorrow smelled like stolen liquor from the shop on the corner street, wet pavement and burnt tires, the way I imagined it smelled the night of the accident a year ago; when he survived and his father died.
- kendrameda reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- keiyoshi reblogged this from thatbitchkarma
- liliumgrey reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- secretsofacynicalromantic reblogged this from thisiszakia
- secretsofacynicalromantic likes this
- thisiszakia reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- younqblood17x likes this
- ay-mei likes this
- maryneacollinabautista likes this
- inkbl0ts reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- wheresthefunindoingwhatyourtold reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- edelweiss24 likes this
- liliumgrey likes this
- thatbitchkarma reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- girlvswhale likes this
- atlas--axis reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- izzy-beth likes this
- izzy-beth reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings and added:
- palomitamaria likes this
- pseudoperfection likes this
- catalystconduit likes this
- the-satanic-sex-doll likes this
- pompeii-loo-ooo likes this
- greatinfinities likes this
- kaeliegh likes this
- sorryforforgetting likes this
- centripital-forces likes this
- daydreamsonlooseleafpaper likes this
- cometinorbit38 likes this
- mulderhatesqueequeg likes this
- goodgirls-theyliketosin likes this
- sexsexsex-dontforget-theviolence reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- sexsexsex-dontforget-theviolence likes this
- moonshoo likes this
- ds-litjournal likes this
- sy11ab1e reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- citisol13 likes this
- josh-dm likes this
- everything-on-top likes this
- brokenbunny likes this
- jaetheobscure likes this
- bring-me-the-hedgehogs reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- bring-me-the-hedgehogs likes this
- ririkhi likes this
- misbahtirmizi reblogged this from herarbitrarymusings
- misbahtirmizi likes this
- adoenamedjane likes this
- dubstracted likes this